Today is Thursday, so sticking with my original plan, I will be discussing the words of others. Going forward, when I get a chance to write, which is becoming more cumbersome, I will choose my focus based on the day. Remember, I have ADD, so I need something to help me organize.
“All the world’s a stage, and the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time plays many parts.” – Shakespeare, “As You Like It.”
This week, this quotation kept on haunting me. Perhaps, it was the passing of my father and viewing a video tribute that encompassed his life. Thank you, Eileen. Maybe, it is the fact that, for the first time, in a long time, I am back on the stage. Thank you, Swamp Fox Players. It could have been been evoked by my own daughter’s theatrical career. Thank you, Allison.
Ultimately, I feel it has to do with the dichotomy between the routine and the unknown. What I mean is that, over the course of the last few weeks, I have played many of my roles: son, father, partner, brother, writer, traveler, etc. I was also forced to pause some of my more recent roles: South Carolina resident, actor, substitute teacher, and lacrosse entrepreneur.
This morning, I opened up an anti-gravity chair that Eileen’s mother bought and had shipped down, so she could sleep soundly during her visit this weekend. Opening the chair is incidental; what is disconcerting is the fact that I had lived that moment before. Yes, I experienced deja vu.
As a conspiracy theorist, I have contemplated the archaic notion of a fated life. I have also conversed about the idea of living in a “matrix.” The sticking point is that everyone is writing their own play, where we, may or may not be central characters. Coupled with the fact that the roles we play vary based on necessity ,and sometimes, on whim, there is no way that the play of our lives has already been scripted.
Therein, lies my unrest. A scripted, fated life simplifies your choices, and takes away the existential burden of free will. Now, I understand, that the vary basis of a well-lived life is the choices one makes, good or bad, and that each choice leads to more choices.
This year, I made several choices that opened up opportunities for me, but also took me well out of my comfort zone. I was just beginning to get some traction, when I was called back to CT, back to my past. I needed to play my other roles, impromptu, unscripted.
For someone, like me, who has a tempest (pun intended) in my head, the only solace I normally find is in routine, but since I retired, my life has been in a constant state of upheaval; I have so many balls up in the air, it feels like it’s hailing.
I know. I know. Woe’s me. Woe’s P. My point here is simple. In our time, we play many parts, but we do not know when those parts will be called from behind the curtain. To play one role is unfulfilling (although Sylvester Stallone has made a great career from playing two) and fails to capture all of our daily “exits” and “entrances” before Shakespeare’s metaphorical final bow.
I was a bit unnerved, this morning, by the glitch in my “matrix,” – the feeling of a predetermined life- but I was also a bit steeled. Maybe, God or the universe has a plan for us. Maybe, we were typecast in roles that suit us, but maybe, just maybe, we have been given the latitude to improvise.
It is a happy coincidence that the late, great Neil Peart used Shakespeare’s line in the song, “Limelight”. “Limelight” is a song about finding your true self in the spotlight of others’ expectations and agendas. Similarly, Wallace Stevens in his poem, “The Emperor of Ice Cream,” penned, “let be, be finale of seem.”
When I make my final exit, I hope to have played all my roles with passion and gusto, realizing that no matter how they were formed, I am going to choose to imbue them with another Rush song, “Free Will.” I will live “As I Like It.”
Love and laughter,
P.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/56966/speech-all-the-worlds-a-stage
P.S. “Limelight” is an awesome song for air drumming.