Too easy to use yesterday’s annual gathering as the occasion for writing this. My impetus actually comes from a sign I read on the door of a fellow teacher when I was subbing in an intermediate school. The sign read: Comparison is the Root of all Unhappiness.
This struck me to the bone. There is no truer statement to elucidate the problems that plague America. “The grass is always greener,” “Keeping Up with the Jones’ ” and, “if you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes.”
Capitalism is built on competition, sure, but do we really need Black Friday to jump start our economy? Be thankful for what you have for a day, then suckle at the teat of the marketing and consumption machine.
This holiday season make sure you know you are loved by spending 50% more than you did last year. Don’t worry that many of your gifts got little use or that some are still in the box. My Facebook friends are going on lavish trips…so should I. Comparison after comparison. Strain after strain. A clear road to unhappiness.
Like many, I love seeking out and finding gifts that fit the cherished people in my life; however, the best part is choosing something that shows you know that person intimately, at their very core, and the look of recognition on their face when they realize you “nailed it.”
Supermarkets have end caps and displays near the registers for impulsive purchases, and some of my purchases are impulsive, but in the most complimentary way.
Mancave Magic
I was in a store called ManCave at the mall. The store is basically a sports memorabilia shop with some eclectic, divergent offerings. I was actually in the store because they were playing the Scorpions, and I was looking for seasonal work.
After quickly being shutdown for employment, I spent a few minutes browsing. I ended up at the poster rack. As an educator, I was always on the hunt for intriguing, interesting posters that would live up my classroom and stray from the
didactic (elements of story, parts of speech, etc.)
Looking through the rack, I spotted a poster with all of the major villains from classic horror films- a rogues gallery, if you will. Eileen’s brother is a horror nut, and I say that with the utmost respect. I purchased it, not quite sure when or where I would present it.
Gift giving is a an act of kindness, but it is also a reinforcement of a relationship. If you truly care about the person to whom you are gifting, it also should come without strings (unless it’s baked goods) and without comparison.
I am notoriously inept at gift reception. I have a terrible poker face, and I always feel guilty when someone spends money on me. Sara Teasdale once wrote, “Spend all you have on loveliness and never count the cost.” This is my ultimate philosophy.
I define loveliness by lasting memory constructed from authentic conversation and shared time. As I grow older, I want to acquire experience, not things. I want to fill my larder with laughter and compliment.
Be Nice
I once asked my students, “How hard is to be nice?” They were dumbfounded. Maybe, it was the shock and simplicity of the question, but maybe, the unrest came from an answer not being readily available.
I followed up with the fact that a compliment is effective whether you mean it or not. As long as you say it and don’t retract, the intention will be buried in the good feeling it provides.
I like nothing more than hearing an unsolicited compliment. I take that back. I like nothing more than overhearing an unsolicited compliment. In those circumstances, you are privy to the favor without having to contemplate the motivation. The speaker did not know you were there, so the verity of it is unblemished.
I would often overhear my colleagues discussing the strengths and niceties of my children. The other day at the diner, I overheard patrons of my play discussing how much they enjoyed it. In both instances, I was buoyed by gratitude, clandestine but fulfilled.
Language Lessons
Gratitude comes from the Latin root, “gratus,” meaning “pleasing, thankful.” I mistakenly thought it came from “gratis,” meaning “free.” As a scholar, I will accept the correct etymology. Being gracious is a pleasing endeavor. The delivery and acceptance of compliment makes both parties better; it strengthens the human bond.
That said, I also challenge you to contemplate my misguided understanding of the word’s origin. I like my mistake; it makes me surmise that being nice, complimenting one another, giving gifts without expectation, and being thankful for what you have and who you are, is always “free.” There is no need to seek a deal on Black Friday.
Compliment and complement mean too different things, but a friend of mine wrote a poem that metaphorically blended the two. I will simplify it. Providing a compliment could be the one factor in making someone’s day, even making them whole. Now, that is a gift worth giving.
Happy Thanksgiving
Love and laughter,
P.