Hello, food lovers. My third post for today. Catching up from a week of intense studying, but talking about food and especially fast food is in my DNA. I have already expressed my propensity for these culinary delights, necessitating a self-mandated once a month visitation.
Today, I am going to create my fast food Super Meal, under some strict principles and definitions. First, I would like to discuss McDonald’s fries.
Fried To Perpetuation
McDonald’s has maintained a high level of market share for several reasons. They provide tremendous consistency, value for your dollar, well-timed promotions and food renaissances, as well as creative marketing (see my other post). All those reasons pale in comparison to the draw of their fries.
Their burgers are brand recognizable. Their ordering system is facile. Their nuggets have cool, standard shapes, but I know people who do not like any fast food who will wolf down a large fry without taking a breath.
I cannot blame this compulsion. There have been hundreds of articles both editorial and scientific on why they are so delicious. My own brother, a fellow teacher, has had some fries in his classroom that have not degraded in over five years. Scrumptious and perpetual. An everlasting gobstopper with salt.
Now, I have read Fast Food Nation and perused some of these articles. I try to be blissfully ignorant of how my fast food is made in the plant, and of course, at the actual restaurant. I did work at a McDonald’s in my teen years, but I have blocked most of that out.
How are they made? I have no certainty. The special sauce comes in a nondescript giant white bag with a simple label: Special Sauce. Much like the sauce, the formation of the ribs on a McRib, and the Colonel’s secret recipe, someone knows, but they are not providing all of the details.
I know that the fries are made from one specific variety of potato. I know that they are put into a giant airplane hangar and processed much like the pods in Body Snatchers or jabruka in Alien Nation. I know that the workers who tend to them have to wear Hazmat suits. I like this type of dedication.
I also know that they used to be fried in beef fat, but due to some loss of market share, and probably some serious health concerns, they now fry them in vegetable oil. Okay, Ronald, is that the whole story. Not quite. McDonald’s contracted with a chemical company to “recreate” the beef broil flavor, synthetically. Golden arch criminals.
I have to be honest; I don’t care how their made. I like most of the McDonald’s menu, but the fries are my guys.
SUPER DUPER
As promised, I am going to reveal my choices for a super fast food meal.
When I brought this up, my roommate sent me a Podcast called The Press Box with Bill Simmons. During one episode, Bill and his fast food aficionado buddy Joe House (interesting moniker) discussed HBO’s The Ringer’s staff ranking of the top-50 fast food items.
The Ringer’s staff’s top 5
- Waffle fries – Chick-Fil-A
- I am a krinkle cut guy myself and find these a bit bland
2. Double Double – In and Out Burger-
-I have never been to In and Out, so I can not comment
3). McDonald’s French Fries
– See above
4) Popeyes Chicken
– More of a family experience, but love that chicken from Popeyes
5) Original Chicken Sandwich – Chick-Fil-A
– Good sandwich, but since it has come to my hometown, the novelty has worn off. I like Popeye’s better, but I will discuss this later.
The entire episode is only 30 minutes, so check it out for the entire list.
My Rules
The listen was enjoyable, but I will provide the definitive meal based on a few factors:
- I can only comment on food that I have tried personally. I am from Connecticut and have not traveled extensively in the West or Midwest. I have just recently moved to the South.
- I will be working without a monetary or calorie limit
- I will not be discussing sub shops as they are a whole other animal
- I will not be discussing made-to-order restaurants like Chipotle or Five Guys as they have the benefit of time. If you can’t get it from your car, it does not qualify.
- I will only be discussing lunch/dinner. I will discuss breakfast at a later date.
- I went to BC and one of my former colleagues attended Holy Cross with Bill Simmons. (We have often debated which is the better school). Eagles or Crusaders (until they have to change it). Please weigh in.
P’s “Happy” Meal
Please read the above rules, and I would like to add three more addendums:
Second shout out to my roommate Scott who champions Chick-Fil-A
I have tried Hardees, and the jury is still out.
I do not eat greens very often, and certainly do not order the salads when I am craving fast food.
Appetizers/Sides
This is a gray area, but there are a couple of accoutrements that have to be mentioned.
- McDonald’s Fries- Do you get it yet?
- Mozzarella Sticks from Arby’s – I am half Italian
- Biscuits from Popeye’s (I like their chicken, but the biscuits are divine)
- Mashed Potatoes from KFC
- Cole Slaw from KFC (KFC needs to pair with Popeyes and make it like Disney World)
Mains
Remember: No calorie, monetary or gastro limit
- Roast Beef Sandwich – Roy Rogers. Tough to find, but worth it. Arby’s says they have the meats, but, although I like Arby’s, most of their meat has the consistency of cellophane. I like something that bites back.
- Original Chicken Sandwich – Burger King. I will get some flack for this, but I enjoy the softer texture and spices on this sandwich over the more popular offerings from Popeye’s or Chick-Fil-A. I guess I don’t like the tang of pickles, and I don’t like having to put my own mayonnaise on my sandwich.
- Big Mac- McDonald’s. The burgers are now the size of silver dollars, and I have to remove the pickles, but this is a taste combination centered literally by the third bun and that “special” sauce that comes in bulk.
- Chili Cheese Dog – Dairy Queen. I know it’s “fan food” not fast food, but it is a tasty dog without the mess. Until later.
- Filet -O- FIsh – McDonald’s. See the points about a flavor combination. There is a rumor that the ocean ran out of the fish used in this sandwich, and the company had to replenish it with frozen eggs they kept in contingency. If that does not speak volumes, I don’t know what does.
Drinks/Desserts
I am not sure who goes to these places for drinks and sweets, but there are some stand-outs.
- Blizzards – Dairy Queen. Fan food, but they are delicious. They are made to order but also available on the fly. Thick enough to eat while driving (for a bit)
- Frosty – Wendy’s. I felt bad not putting a Wendy’s burger in my mains. I enjoy a good double, but their chocolate frosty is a simple pleasure.
- Fried Apple Pie- McDonald’s * – This item has been discontinued, but it is my hope that it will someday return in all of its mouth burning glory.
- Shamrock Shake – McDonald’s. Once again, clever marketing puts this one in the mix. Good things come to those who wait. Minty O’Fresh.
- Mountain Dew – Arby’s. Give me this high octane lemon lime choice over any other choice, even Dr. Pepper.
Final Thoughts
There are some items that hover close to my bursting plate. I would like to mention that some fast food places draw me by the novelty of some of their items. For example:
- Gyros and Krinkle Cuts- Arby’s
- Mexican that lets you skip the middle man and just throw it in the toilet – Taco Bell
- Onion Rings – Burger King
- Toast – Dairy Queen
- Baked Potatoes – Wendy’s
Please let me know your choices, and those of you who live in the Southwest, West, Midwest or anywhere else that has a go-to fast food destination, please provide recommendations. My quest continues.
Caveat: Do not eat at Sonic
Love, laughter, and good eating.
P.